It’s a big big word, and definitely something too heavy to discuss on the 3rd day of CNY.  Trust me, it ruined my day.

I read the text and immediately understood, I simply replied “Ok.”. Which I thought was suffice.

No.

What came back was plain rude, and unnecessary.

I’m sorry, I just had to rant, I need you to know how disappointed I am.

It totally ruined the last day of this CNY break for me.

Today’s the wedding of a Poly buddy and I am indeed very happy for him! They exchanged wedding vows yesterday, on his birthday and threw a wedding carnival today to celebrate the joyous occasion.

From the photos you’ll know why I call it a wedding carnival…

This was the friend that personally delivered the wedding invite to the few of us. He definitely set a sky high benchmark for many of us, in Singlish – ’spoil market’.  This fella had a memory so good, he required little help finding my place, even though the last time he had sent me back must have been at least 7 or 8 years ago.  Not just my place, but Sappie’s parent’s place, as well as Amanda’s place.  No address required, by pure instinct and memory.

Most of us has lost contact with Amanda, but cuz he went up to her place personally, managed to invite her to the wedding. The few of us had been speculating if we’ll be able to catch her or not prior to today.  And by sheer good timing, she turned up right before the bride and groom made their way back from the girl’s place.

My immediate reaction was to shout out to her, but all I got was a cold cold look and turned away to continue looking out for the newlyweds.

It’s been at least 7 to 8 years that I’ve not seen her, and I really wished we could bury any hatchets between us.  It’s long-overdue, in fact, they people in question are now married, and she still looks as good as before, if not better.

All the unhappiness be gone, it’s all in celebration of a dear friend’s joyous occasion.

Something’s gotten into my mum’s head to think that cuz my bro and I are both attending our respective churches, we’ll abandon her when she dies…

She said, “Aiyah, like that better la… I had always wanted to be scattered into the seas and be free… Don’t even need to have wake, just cremate then after that scatter the ashes into the seas.”

Filial piety is a value beyond religion… I wish my parents can partake the promise with me, but if it’s not going to be so, I’ll respect their choice and participate in the last rites as they had wanted.

I never expected my mom to react this way… It hit me like the heatwave these days…… It’s borhtering me.

All that bitching only shows the flaws, which adds to prove the point.

It reveals the bitter self, whom with nothing to wield.

Words are the most venomous. What’s said, too late to retract.

What’s left? A self-pitying resentful soul.

Today’s the 31st of 2 friends who mean a lot to me.  My bro, Noel the Beng, we used to go to Sunday School together and now we go drinking together occasionally.  The other is my best-est friend during poly days, Cindy, otherwise Amanda.  Amanda, Jason and I are nicks we adopted those days, cuz we enjoyed reading the 8Day’s Last Page column by Jason Hahn, who shares an apartment with 2 bimbotic girls, Amanda & Saffy.  The column is still running today.

While I sent Noel my birthday greetings, I’m reminded of losing a friend in Amanda.  It’s been since 2003 we’ve ever spoke or met.

Amanda and I never fought when we were in school, we were always seen together in a group.  Skipping school, having long lunches in A&W at the zoo, sweeping birthday discounts in Giordano, totally into tanning, hanging out together with our boyfriends then.

It had been all a misunderstanding that started with me.  It was the phase were I was hanging out almost EVERY night cuz of an ‘interest’.  I wanted to hang out with the interest, so I always found excuses to NOT meet them, thus neglecting my friends. Amanda was the gel between me and the interest, he was bestie with her man then.

I was too absorbed into pursuing my interest and neglected all my friends, and that led to the misunderstanding I was on their side in hiding some dark secrets from her.

I should have never got involved with that interest, some guys are better kept as friends than lovers.  Eventually I did go out with the interest, but it was short-lived and it landed me in a financial rut that has been a burden to until recently.

One of those classic questions, “If you could, what would you want to re-do in your life?”.  I would say, I’ll like to re-live y life from New Year’s Day 2003.

I’m not sure if she’ll ever read this.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Girl!  It’s been so many years.  You made the better part of our days during and after poly.  What are fond memories without the people whom you can reminisce with, at least for me.

I’m quite sure I’ve done this before some years ago…  Chanced upon it again tonight, so decided to give it a go.

The order of my selection this time around – Green,  Pink, Red, Black, Grey, Blue, Orange and Yellow.

And this is what I got.

Colorgenics Number: 25370146

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You are striving to make favourable impressions all of the time and you are going out of your way to make the impression that you are something special. You are constantly on the watch to see how your friends and neighbours are reacting to your various ploys. But this is so unnecessary because most of the time you are in control of the situation – and you are, in the nicest sense of the word, a ‘manipulator’ because you use various strategies very cleverly in order to influence and obtain the necessary recognition.

Now there are many things in life that you require as essential to your well-being but, try as you may, something always seems to be getting in your way. A word of advice – ‘keep trying’ and you may be pleasantly surprised to see just how matters turn out.

Your involvements seldom measure up to your high emotional expectations and your ‘needs’ to be ‘loved’ and ‘cared for’ have in the past often led to extreme disappointment. But a change is in the wind – make a firm decision to start anew. Just ‘think’ it..and it will happen.

You are pretending that the situation around you doesn’t matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don’t really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.

You need to be respected as an exceptional individual. This is the only way that you can hope to achieve the status that you wish to achieve. You set yourself very high standards – and come what may – you abide by them.

Rather accurate of my current situation…  Well, I think the time the test is taken matters also. In the day, I tend to be bouncier and chirpier.  But when night comes, I fall back to my real self.

We have our fair share of ups and downs… I’m not sure how long this down is going to last, I’m not sure how long I can hold up.  As much as I’m enjoying the break, there are issues I need to resolve with myself before I can move on.

Meanwhile, I’m thankful for those of you who’ve been giving me the support, keeping me sane.  I really do. THANK YOU! You know who you are…

Sums up my weekend.

It’s a long long long post, so I’ve split it up.  Click here to view the full post.

Saturday

Went to the wet market to shop for all the grocery and ingredients I needed for lunch and dinner.  With a rough idea of what’s on the menu, armed with my pink shopping bag, I walked down the slope to the market.  All in an hour, I lugged back $80 worth of grocery.

After confirming with my bro he’s coming home for lunch, I rummaged the fridge and found some frozen crab meat and a box of silken tofu.

The lunch spread, a decent 2 dishes and soup.

- Stir-fried celery with chicken breast strips

- Steamed fish with soy bean paste with an overload of garlic and ginger

- Wholesome sweet corn, crab meat, golden mushrooms and tofu thick soup

Looks a bit much for two I have to say… But I was totally satisfied with what came out of it.

The runners were coming over for a carbo-loading dinner, so I cleaned up the house a little before heading out to the village to get the rest of the ingredients that were not available at the market.

Met MelloRello at H V, we chillout at Breko’s a little before heading back to prepare dinner.

I’ve always been more confident with making chinese food, so it was a kinda messy when it came to dinner.  I had planned to make a soup, pasta and attempt Paella again. Read the rest of this entry »

The Band played this at Timbre last Friday.  When we were just talking about our dearest friend, Zak. How we had missed his goofyness.

“I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, Im learning again
I’ve been tryin to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter”

I know the song wasn’t about missing a friend entirely, but was the part of the lyrics made me tear…

I’ve loaded the song into the Cassette Tape player in the right-navi, skip to the song to listen and enjoy… The Heart of the Matter by Don Henley.

Full lyrics of the song after the cut…

Read the rest of this entry »

I guess the time was right for us to say
We’d take our time and live our lives together day by day
We’ll make a wish and send it on a prayer
We know our dreams can all come true with love that we can share

With you I never wonder – will you be there for me
With you I never wonder – you’re the right one for me

Chorus:
I finally found the love of a lifetime
A love to last my whole life through
I finally found the love of a lifetime
Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime

With every kiss our love is like brand-new
And every star up in the sky was made for me and you
Still we both know that the road is long
(But) we know that we will be together because our love is strong

Love of a lifetime. Patiently, I wait…  I hope this decade will treat me better in this department.

The Moon seems to be rounder and brighter on the 16th and 17th of each lunar month.

I’ve always enjoy walking along the streets on these nights. Adoring its luminosity and imagining a sense of tranquility even on bustling streets.

Stars are bedazzling, the Sun is rejuvenating, while the Moon, reassuring.

I’m always reminded of the night on Rawa, just moon-basking on the beach. The Moon was almost within reach, with sprinklings of stars around it. Sounds of gentle waves and cool breeze as if humming a soft lullabye. Awww… what a perfect picture.

It made me yearn, yearn for a companion on such lovely nights.

- This blog was updated through my M1 mobile phone.